I’ve recently (as in the past few days) come to the realization that there’s something I’ve never learned how to do: separate myself from what other people say and do. In some ways, it’s good that I immerse myself in a situation to the point that I feel inextricably tied to it, but more often than not, it means I am unable to be objective about other people’s moods. In other words, I tend to take everything personally and face life with a chip on my shoulder.

I’ve done this for years. Since I was about 15 or so, in fact. (With a little digging one could find why I take this approach — it probably has to do with my severe-profound hearing loss and the isolation and loneliness that results from that.)

But the reason why I do that is hardly the point. The point is I need to make a change.

I talked to my wife about it the other night, and as usual, she gave me some of her insight. She pointed out how when she worked in apparel retail in high school and college, she learned to not take it personally when a customer was snippy, since it was almost never about her. Said customer was probably having a bad day and needed some “retail therapy” to take the edge off. She told me I need to learn how to create distance between myself and everything else.

I posted about this on work. life. creativity., and asked people how they got out of themselves and learned how to take a more objective view of things. Patrick Rhone admitted that he “misplaced responsibility for my emotions as the next guy,” and directed me to a post of his, called “The problem may be you” as part of his personal manifesto. I had actually read a while back, but it didn’t sink in until just now.

How I react to people really is a choice I make, and from now on I choose to recognize the fact that it’s not about me. I have to be objective and (somewhat) detached, given that my personality wants to inject itself into everything and consequently end up getting its feelings hurt at every little thing.

So I’ve come to the realization that it’s not about me. It never is. If somebody responds to me with a grunt, it’s probably nothing to do with me, and it’s probably just the other person being preoccupied with something else. What right do I have to take it as a personal affront?

This is one of those things I wish I understood 10 years ago. Why I realized this after I turned 30, I may never know.

It’ll take work integrating this idea into my life, but I think I can do it. Especially if I adopt more of a servant-attitude, instead of the entitled one I’ve had for so long. (Yikes, I’m kinda harsh on myself!)